A Runner’s Inner Voice

To learn to love running,

I had to learn to love my inner voice.

For most of my life, running was always a means to stay in shape for another sport I played. It was something I had to do, and not often something I wanted to do. It wasn’t until later in life that I learned to appreciate running for the joy of it. 

Growing up, I played every sport imaginable. Soccer, softball, basketball, swim team, and tennis, not to mention doing anything sports related with my friends at every opportunity. I was a textbook “tomgirl”. I loved everything about sports, and as I got older and started to excel, fitness became a major factor. Which meant I had to run. But not for fun. I had to run to stay in shape for the sports I played. ‘Had to’ is the key phrase here. If I wanted to succeed in the sports I chose to play, I HAD to run to keep in shape. And I hated it. Because of this, my relationship with running had always been based more on force and hate rather than love and want. 

I chose to pursue soccer and softball in high school. Softball didn’t require as much cardio training; more short bursts and speed work.  But soccer is 90 minutes of cardio; so running became a big part of my life, both in and out of practices. High school practices consisted of a ton of running, which most of us dreaded. 120s, long runs, sometimes a whole practice of just cardio. It was hard, but it made sense to do cardio training in practice. The hard part for me was to run on my own. I knew I had to, but I didn’t want to. I used to dread the daily long run I had to do. I would procrastinate and drag my feet. Once I mustered up the motivation to finally get out the door, all I could think about was how much I hated running. My mind would get super negative. “This sucks”or “I hate running” were my constant inner dialogue. Not the best self-talk to have when you’re trying to get in better shape.

Over the years, some coaches used running as a punishment. Not focused. Run. Mess up. Run. Goofing off. Yep you guessed it. Take a lap. So you can imagine why my view about running was so negative. I had negative memories associated with it.

College soccer brought a whole new level of running. Some years we did cardio every single practice. 

My parents were never really runners. My mom has always been more of a walker. My dad used to run before I was born and when I was a toddler. He’d run the occasional 10k and 15k, but he never sustained that habit. I remember doing our hometown 5k with my dad a few times as a kid, but beyond that, I never had someone to influence a love of running for me. I wasn’t yet into the running scene. And I didn’t yet believe in running for pleasure. 

Yet somehow I kept coming back to running. As much as I disliked it, it was a great way to stay in shape, and the easiest form of cardio. Just walk out the door and start running. Doesn’t get much easier than that. Except every time I went on a run, my mind was terrible. All I could ever think about was how much I hated it. Anyone out there who loves running knows how bad that mindset can be. I was defeated before I left the house. I wasn’t getting as much out of running as I could have. I would give up easily when I got tired by slowing to a walk or telling myself to stop. 

I was well into my mid to late 20s before I had a breakthrough that has since given me the opportunity to run for the joy of it. 

I learned to talk back to my inner voice. All this time, I had believed what my inner voice said - slow down, this sucks, I need to stop. But why? I knew I was capable of more and to achieve more I had to control my inner voice. 

Now when I run, I break it down into small accomplishments mixed with self-talk that builds me up and focuses on the task at hand. Before long, I was running half marathons and long runs - things I started to look forward to! My previous self never showed interest in running more than 5-6 miles. But once I trained my inner voice,  I looked forward to my 10 mile long run. 

The point is, your inner voice is under your control. You have the control to choose what you listen to, choose what your inner voice says, choose to make a change.

If you’re ready to make that change, send me a message and let's chat!